SMILES // Short Story Sunday

Life is full of peaks and valleys. There are things in this crazy life that you go through that honestly make you want to end it all. Then, something incredible happens. You find something that makes you love everything in your life. No, this is not a fairy tale. This is not a story that starts out with "Once Upon a Time," and ends with "and they live happily ever after..." Because let's face it, that isn't how life works. That's the cold, hard truth about reality. What is this story about? That is a good question, but I don't have an answer. What I do know, is that the road to success is full of winding roads. It's full of sinkholes every few feet. You reach a huge accomplishment only to run into what seems like an even bigger setback.  

"How do you recover from a setback, though? Where do you find the motivation to keep going?" I asked my older sister, Georgina. Georgina is the type of girl that every other twenty-two year old girl aspires to be. She stands tall (five-foot-six), with an hourglass figure, and medium blonde hair. She is beautiful, travels the world for work, and on top of all of this, she is genuinely happy. Something I feel as though may never happen for me.  

I've always sold myself short. Not just short because I'm only five-foot-two, but I also seem to fail to see past the end of my driveway, much less ten years from now. Ten years ago, when I was a dumb-looking nine-year-old brat, I remember watching Reba, and I would imagine having a life like that. I imagined my weird redheaded self having everything Reba had. Which, by the way, if you haven't seen Reba, it's really sad that I just said that. Who would want to have three wild kids, a failed marriage, and the woman who stole your husband and she will not let you get by a single day without seeing her. In all honesty, I don’t know why I dreamed of having that future. It wasn't anything special. It's not like they were filthy rich or had everything handed to them. I guess what I admired about the idea was that everyone in the show was so happy. So content with their life. Although, the fact that it is a television show makes me see it for what it actually is: a fairy tale.  

"Um, what are you looking at, Cassandra?" Georgina asked, her Anastasia eyebrows arched. I hadn't realized I was staring at her. To be honest, I'm not sure for how long. I was merely gazing. Trapped in my inner thoughts that never seem quit. "What?"  

"You've literally been staring at me for twenty minutes. I probably wouldn't have noticed if Netflix hadn't have shut off," she told me, laughing at herself –but she was still curious as to what I was doing, and why I was staring.  

"Honestly, how long was I staring? I-I didn't realize I was... I guess I was deep in thought again. That's all. I'm sorry, sis." I apologized, kind of embarrassed. I sunk down in my seat, the palpitations in my chest going out of control. Another panic attack. I have been having them on and off since I was about sixteen. I never quite understood why I would start panicking when I did. It always seemed to be over nothing at all – at least that's what my friends and family would assume. I could literally just be sitting in a calm environment, much like the one I'm in now; and the next thing I know is my whole body is shaking, my chest is palpitating, and I can hardly breathe. Georgina never knew what to do when I would be in this state, and sadly it happened a lot more often than it used to. It's almost as if something is telling me that something bad is going to happen soon. This doesn't help my recent state of panic. Georgina grabbed me in a tight embrace, as if to say I'm here, you're not alone. And honestly, that's really all I needed. I still shook, but I could feel my heart rate slow down and the trembling of my whole body ease up. It's almost as if all I needed to know was that I was not alone.  

"Are you okay?" She asked, her eyes wide with fear and mouth agape.  

"I don't know," I shot back, still trembling. I always hated when my attacks would occur when I was around someone. I much rather it happen when I was alone. I never really liked for anyone to see me that way. You always seem so happy, people would say or every time I see you, you're smiling. But the thing is that you can hide anything behind a smile, and no one would think twice. It's almost as if a smile is the universal symbol of happiness, but it's also the world's best way to disguise your pain.

Story by Skylar Rojo