The Three Types of Grievers: What You Need to Know

Co-Written by: Jessica N. Keller

     When you and the people around you experience a hard loss, you'll find that sometimes the way others grieve can make it more difficult for your own grieving process. The first step in dealing with other's grief is realizing that we all grieve in our own way. In my own experience, I have seen three types of grievers. I have witnessed these types of grievers throughout my life, watching my family and close friends struggle with the transition of the stages of grief - in their own way. We struggle to wrap our minds around the fact that there are different types of grievers, and grieving processes, because we only know of one that works for us.

1. The Emotional Grievers

   The emotional grievers are in a state of shock when they receive the news of a heartbreaking loss. The loss they are going through affects their everyday lives, whether it be with work, family, their schoolwork, etc. - it is all affected. The emotional griever is likely to burst into tears when someone asks how they're doing in coping with their loss.
    The emotional grievers tend to take everything to heart much harder.  They are the ones who literally compare everything in their lives, unwillingly, to the event that changed it for good.  The hardest part for the emotional grievers is trying to find someone to connect to.  They typically are the one who get more depressed and take longer to overcome the circumstances. This type of griever has a hard time adjusting to change and has the hardest time dealing with how others grieve.

2. The Withdrawn Grievers

    The withdrawn grievers are the quick grievers. They will often grieve by themselves, shutting out everyone else that loves and cares about them. They may see grief as a chore, wanting to get it over with as quick as possible, or avoid it entirely. The withdrawn griever tries to protect themselves and they don't take into consideration other peoples feelings, because they are still trying to protect their own.
    Most could only hope that going through a tremendous loss would make you want to be closer to your family. Some could only hope it would make you want to continue having a relationship with your in-laws (because they are still your in-laws). However, the withdrawn griever pushes everyone away, even when they thought they weren't. All we can assume is that they thought no one was supporting them in their decisions, but the decisions they have made have hurt more than they're probably willing to admit.      

3. The Just-Keep-Going Grievers

   The just-keep-going grievers do just that: keep going. They realize what is going on but cannot force themselves to keep dwelling.  They are the ones who know they have to stay strong: to keep everyone intact.  They realize that if they don’t, everyone will fall apart.  In certain circumstances, no matter how hard they try, they simply cannot.
    The just-keep-going griever continues to try to be the glue. They are the ones stretching themselves to pull the withdrawn grievers in and keep the emotional grievers together. They find a hard time understanding the other two types, because it simply is not normal to them.The just-keep-going griever does grieve, contrary to the belief of the other two grievers.   They do grieve, behind closed doors and rarely; but it does happen.  The just-keep-going griever also looks to the future, constantly trying to decide the next move.  They want the best, not only for themselves, but for all of those around them.
     The just-keep-going grievers take the longest to recover from a loss, mentally and physically. When a just-keep-going griever has time to themselves and they aren't busy, they completely fall apart. They have the time to cry, to mourn. They don't like the way it feels, so when the tears stop rolling, they start. They start on the next project that will keep their mind occupied. They see some family, get another job, take on more at school. This type of griever is the type that almost has to stay busy with anything to keep themselves unscathed.

You Are Not Alone

     It will always be hard; it will always be a blow.  The hardest part is realizing that you have to live you whole life without someone, not by choice but by fate. Eventually you learn to accept everyone will grieve differently, no matter how hard it is on you. The main thing to keep in mind is how are your actions? Are you okay with how you’ve treated the other parts of you heart? The one you’ve buried very deep. For anyone going through any hard transition, my heart is with you. God bless you all.